


like a heartbeat drives you mad

by aisu10, HybridComplex



Category: Kill Your Darlings (2013)
Genre: Cardiophilia, Gen, Heartbeat Kink, Heartbeats, M/M, hybrid is a joy to write with, literally just heart porn, lucien CARRdiophile, smooches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-30
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-21 08:53:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1544927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aisu10/pseuds/aisu10, https://archiveofourown.org/users/HybridComplex/pseuds/HybridComplex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>lucien carr has a secret that runs as deep as the blood in his veins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	like a heartbeat drives you mad

allen wakes slow and quiet, curls his fingers and sighs and lets his eyes slit open. he sees lu’s face first, eyes closed and mouth twisted, and then his hand, pale and sickly with trembling fingers, hovering just above his chest, nearly touching. allen shifts, sucks in a heavy breath to ask what lucien is doing, watches his hand go still.

“shut up, ginsy,” lucien hisses before allen even utters a word, and now all he sees is lucien’s back, silver from the light outside the window.

\--

lu slices the flesh of his hand and allen stares, watches the blood slide down his pale arm. he thinks of taking the knife for himself but lucien beats him to it, splits open his palm and it feels like fire in his veins when the cuts meet. the music distorts and he hears david shouting.

it takes a moment for allen to realize, once his eyes are open and he can taste oxygen again, that it’s not his hand that’s throbbing, it’s lucien’s heart beneath it. at the sight of david, lu quickly scoops allen’s palm away from his chest, curls their hands together innocently and glares over at the intruder. allen still feels lu’s blood pounding in the fragile tips of his fingers.

david takes lucien aside and allen, still lightheaded and unsteady from the illusion, watches their exchange out of the corner of the bathroom mirror. they’re tense, squared against each other before something peculiar happens. david embraces lu, pulls his golden head to his chest and holds him there. lu's rigid shoulders relax as david strokes his hair, gently pressing him closer. after a minute lu breaks the embrace and flees, ears flushed a deep red as he says "come on, allen," and steals him away from the apartment.

\--

allen can’t stop thinking about these strange events. he tries to sort out the puzzle pieces in his mind but gets distracted by the memory of lu's fingers quivering above him and the warmth of his chest when allen's hand was flush against the fabric of his shirt. the connection is obvious but absurd and only after allen speaks to david does it sink in.

"has he tried to touch you yet? hmm? don't tell me you haven't noticed. he's obsessed."

"but why - why... heartbeats?"

"it's a fixation of his. for a long time he could only fall asleep with his ear on my chest."

the way he says it is wistful, filled with longing for a fleeting past. allen wonders if he'll soon feel the same way.

\--

this new knowledge is treasure to him. he begins to notice how lu grabs his wrist, fingers curling tight to feel the pound of his pulse as they run the streets - how when they collapse on each other afterwards, panting and laughing, lucien’s cheek presses into allen’s sweater and he falls silent for a moment, eyes half-lidded and dreamy - how his gaze lies heavy around his throat - how sometimes he keeps a hand pressed into the front of his shirt when he thinks no one is watching, lost in the knowledge that this thing in his chest is what keeps him alive. he imagines what it would be like to have lucien sleep on him, dozing with that same knowledge, his ear tucked against allen’s most vital organ. the thought is intoxicating, and he feels starved, desire heavy in his gut.

\--

he wakes up in lu’s bed again days later, does his best to keep as still as stone. he hardly dares open his eyes but does anyway and again he spies that skeletal hand, so close to touching him. lu’s eyes are closed again and his fingers tremble like he’s trying to pick up the vibrations from under allen’s skin through the air that separates them.

allen breathes soft, carefully lifts his own hand and curls his fingers over lucien’s. his eyes snap open and look just as icy as his skin feels, nearly glowing in the low light. he drags lu’s hand down and the first touch of his fingers on him makes his chest jerk. lu’s breath hitches in his throat and allen thinks he’s going to say something but no sound escapes his parted lips. allen speaks for him. “it’s okay, lu.”

permission obtained, lu swallows, breathes again. he curls his fingers over the slope of ginsy’s ribs, thumb digging into his sternum. he presses his fingertips into his skin, drags them down until he feels it, the gentle throbbing of his heartbeat. his eyes fall shut once more and allen feels him swaying along, head nodding ever-so-slightly in time. allen’s hand covers his, flattens lu’s palm against him so he can feel his pulse echo in the bird bones of his fingers.

lucien shudders and shifts, moves so that he’s almost centered above allen, a heavy weight pressing down into his core. from this position allen's heartbeat vibrates through lu's entire body and he looks like he’d stop breathing if it weren't for the reminder of allen's lungs expanding beneath him.

finally lucien’s eyes drift open and he is stripped bare, vulnerable in a way that allen’s never seen before. allen meets his gaze with all the fire inside him and a brilliant smile, reassuring him that he accepts him for everything that he is and that his secret is safe here, hidden between hand and heart.


End file.
